


This Time Around (It's Brighter)

by foreverdawsey



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Firehouse 51 as Family (Chicago Fire), Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Brett/Casey, Protective Matthew Casey, Unplanned Pregnancy, post 8x09
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 09:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27968489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverdawsey/pseuds/foreverdawsey
Summary: After one heated, magical night, Gabby returns to Chicago with some unexpected news. She and Matt feel like they've both been given a second chance at what they've always wanted. But how will they navigate a pregnancy together after their relationship all but ended in flames?(Or, my take on a post 8x09 Dawsey pregnancy. A fix-it of sorts.)
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Gabriela Dawson, Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So after watching all the pain this couple had to go through on the show, I needed to write an alternate ending to Dawsey, where they actually got a chance to work out their issues and have the kid they always wanted. And most of all, get to be happy! 
> 
> I don't have the next chapters done yet so I don't know how often I'll update, but I'll try to keep it as frequent as I can. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr at foreverdawsey. Come say hi :)

♡~♡~♡~♡

“When will people learn that water does _not_ put out grease fires?” Kidd chuckles as she smoothly backs Truck 81 into the firehouse garage.

“Probably about the same time they learn that no, it’s not worth running back into a burning building for your high school yearbook,” Gallo chimes in from the back, to a round of hearty chuckles from the other firefighters.

Casey shakes his head and gives a shrug with a smile. “We’re here to serve the citizens of Chicago, not judge. Even if that means seeing people make the same mistakes more than a few times.” He pops open the door to the fire truck and hops down, shaking off his turnout coat and hanging it on the rig. “Everyone, check your supplies and air tanks, make sure we’re ready for our next call.”

“Got it, Captain,” the members of truck answer in unison as they clamber down from the rig, and Matt bites back a small grin. He really has trained them well, hasn’t he?

He rolls his shoulders with a slight grimace as he strolls back into the firehouse. The last call had been a pretty standard kitchen grease fire gone wrong that was quick to put out, with no injuries. But it was still a lengthy call, and it was back-to-back off a serious four-car accident from this morning. He’s craving a hot cup of coffee and a few minutes alone in his officer’s quarters to regroup his focus.

He quickly pours himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen and makes a beeline for his quarters before he gets pulled into another conversation about internet memes, or whatever Gallo and Ritter are talking about these days. He swears those two always make him feel about 100 years old.

Brett is the only one in the sleeping quarters when he walks in, and he pauses by her bunk, squeezing her shoulder. She looks up at him with her striking blue eyes and he’s enveloped in that warm, comforting presence that always seems to surround her.

“Great job calming down that panicked father this morning,” Casey says. “You always have a way with people.”

“Guess that’s why they pay me the big bucks,” Brett jokes with a self-deprecating smile. She rolls her eyes when he frowns down at her. “I’m only kidding Casey. Thank you. I’m always glad to help where I can.”

“You do a great job of it,” Casey affirms, resisting the urge to touch her again. “I don’t want you to think it goes unnoticed.”

“Thanks,” Brett repeats, smiling gently up at him. “You do pretty okay too.”

“Just okay?” Casey exclaims, mock-offended. Brett laughs and he joins in. “Thanks Brett. Someone’s gotta keep those goofballs in line.” He nods toward his quarters. “Paperwork calls my name.”

“Sounds fun. Enjoy.”

“Always,” Casey jokes, and slips off into his quarters, closing the door behind him.

He lets out a sigh as he drops into his desk chair and takes a long pull from his coffee. Things between him and Brett have definitely moved somewhere past "just friends", into this murky gray area of almost something more. And yet, he keeps holding himself back from fully exploring the spark between them. Sylvie is a kind, generous person, one of the most genuine people he’s ever met. Any guy would be lucky to be with her, and frankly, it baffles him that she seems to struggle so much in the romance department.

So why doesn’t he just take that leap, and let things develop between them? Every time he thinks about taking things further, he stops himself at the last moment.

Matt sighs and rakes a hand through his hair, and decides that filling out the incident logs from today’s calls will probably be a much more productive use of his time then dwelling on his own mess of a love life.

He’s just signing his name to the bottom of the report and idly wondering what’s for dinner when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He glances at the screen absentmindedly before answering, then stops, and stares.

The name _Gabriela Dawson_ is lighting up his screen.

The exact person he’s been adamantly trying so hard _not_ to think of since he spent that one, heated night with her a couple months ago. Which, although incredible, also had brought up a host of feelings that he’d just as rather keep buried.

His phone keeps buzzing and he hastily accepts the call before it rolls to voicemail. “Gabby?”

“Hey Matt,” Gabby says, and even through the tinny sound of his iPhone speaker, the familiar sound of her voice is enough make warmth rise in his chest. “Long time no talk, huh?”

“You could say that,” Matt hedges. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, fine,” Gabby says, then pauses, and Matt frowns instinctively. “Well, yes and no. Listen, I know you’re probably on shift and the bells could go off any moment, so I’ll keep it short. I’m back in Chicago and I really need to talk to you. It’s important. Could we get coffee tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Matt assures her, before he really can process her words. He never was quite able to shut off that part of him that would leap over buildings if Gabby showed the slightest sign of needing him. What’s worse, he isn’t sure he really wants to, either. “Noon, at that place on Grand?” he offers.

“That’s perfect,” Gabby agrees, and Matt doesn’t miss the relief in her voice. Clearly something’s weighing pretty heavily on her.

“Listen, Gabby - I do have to get back to shift but just…” Matt pauses, lets out a breath. “You’re okay, right? Just let me know you’re alright, so I can focus for the rest of shift.”

There’s a long silence on the other end of the line, and Matt feels exposed, embarrassed for asking, but he doesn’t take back the words. He does need to know she’s okay to focus. That’s never changed and probably never will.

“Yeah, I’m okay Matt,” Gabby says eventually, and her voice is softer, quiet. “You don’t need to worry, promise. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” Matt echoes, and disconnects the call.

The call leaves him with more questions than answers. Why is she back in Chicago again? What’s so important she needs to talk to him about? And why call him instead of dropping by the firehouse and saying hi to everyone, letting them know she’s in town?

None of it makes any sense, and isn’t like Gabby at all.

All he knows for sure is that tomorrow can’t come soon enough.

♡~♡~♡~♡

For once, Matt’s thankful that his shift ends up being jam-packed with calls, because it keeps his mind off Gabby and her sudden reappearance in Chicago. By the time he makes it back home the following morning, he’s worked off most of his nervous agitation and is left only with a burning curiosity to know what Gabby wanted to tell him so urgently.

He gets to the coffee shop early - he has a habit for being 10 minutes early to everything that was all but drilled into him by his father. Might be the one good thing that man ever gave him, really.

Flicking through his phone while sipping on a cappuccino, he checks his watch for what must be the hundredth time. Nearly noon - Gabby should be here any minute. He shifts in his chair, restless. He wishes he had a halogen in his hand and door to break down. _Get in, rescue people, get out._ Why couldn’t all of life be as simple as firefighting?

“Hey you,” calls a familiar voice and Matt looks up, and not for the first time, Gabriela Dawson takes his breath away.

She’s as beautiful as ever with her striking, dark eyes and bright smile. Her whole face lights up with a grin when he looks at her and his body reacts on instinct, standing and pulling her into a tight hug. She’s always seemed so much larger than life that sometimes he forgets how petite she really is, she’s dwarfed in his arms as he holds her close to him. The feel of her in his arms is like being home after a vacation he never really wanted to take.

He breaks away sooner than he wants to, gestures to the chair across the table from his. “Can I get you anything?” he offers, cursing the awkward stiffness of his voice, as if they’re business partners meeting for the first time, not two people who have been through more than most people experience in a lifetime.

Gabby’s eyebrow lifts slightly and he knows she’s thinking the same thing. “Oh, um, sure yeah, green tea would be perfect. Thank you,” Gabby says, settling into her chair.

 _That’s new_ , Matt muses as he strides over to the counter to order Gabby’s drink. She’d always been a strict coffee person when they were together. _There’s probably a lot about her you don’t know anymore_ , he reminds himself. They aren’t together; he doesn’t have the right to know her coffee order anymore. That’s just how it is.

He carefully brings her tea back to the table and she wraps her fingers around the mug, sighing gratefully at the warmth. She’s got black nail polish on her fingers that’s chipping at the edges. The familiar sight of it makes Matt’s chest ache faintly.

“Bet you don’t miss these Chicago winters,” he says with a low chuckle, glancing out the windows to the awful mixture of snow turned sleet that’s currently flurrying outside.

“Ah, you’d be surprised,” Gabby shoots him a lopsided grin and a small shrug. “Sometimes it’s only when you leave that you realize what you’re missing.”

“Sure, I get that,” Matt nods, even though he doesn’t, not really. He’s a Chicago man through and through. The longest he’s ever left was a two-month exchange program in high school.

“It’s good to be back, though,” Gabby says, taking another sip of her tea. She absentmindedly slips her beanie off and shakes her hair loose, running a hand through it. It’s grown a little longer than Matt remembers, brushing her shoulders and the ends curling in that way he always loved. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me.”

“‘Course,” Matt says gruffly. “I’m sure everyone at the house would love to see you too, if you want to stop by. How long are you in town for?”

“I’m um…” Gabby fiddles with her necklace, one of her telltale nervous habits. “Well, I’m back, Matt. I transferred out of field work into the nonprofit’s office here in Chicago, I’m going to be doing advocacy work now. So I’m here for... well, for the foreseeable future.”

Matt’s heart lurches. He had been expecting her to say a day, maybe a week at most. She was back for good? His brain scrambles to process the information.

“Wow. Gabby that’s... I mean, good for you, if that’s what you want?”

“It is,” Gabby nods. “I have some... things, to think about and I just you know, wanted to be somewhere more stable, closer to home, you know?”

“Of course,” Matt repeats, frowning slightly and searching her eyes. Gabby sounds unsure, which is so unlike the woman he’s always known. He decides he’s had enough of dancing around the subject. “Gabby, is everything okay?”

Gabby looks at him for a long moment then tips her chin up, like she’s steeling herself for something.

“Matt... I’m pregnant.”

A tidal wave of emotions washes over Matt and he’s left speechless. Happiness for her and whoever the father is. Sadness that he’s 40 and childless. Jealousy that she’s going to have with someone else what they could never have together.

“Wow, Gabby that’s…” he clears his throat, tries to refocus his thoughts. At the end of the day, his own feeling aside, he knows this is the one thing Gabby’s wanted more than anything else. He musters up the most genuine smile he can. “I’m really happy for you Gabs. You’re going to make an amazing mom. Congrats.”

Gabby stares at him for a moment as if he’s grown two heads, and he raises an eyebrow. “Did I say something wrong?” he asks tentatively. Maybe she isn’t happy about the baby after all.

“Oh my god Matt, for a firefighter you really are slow sometimes,” Gabby rolls her eyes, leans forward. “The baby is yours Matt.”

Matt feels like someone just knocked all the air out of him. “But we haven’t... we just, that one time, and you were on the pill?” he stutters, brain whirling.

Gabby looks sheepish. “Between the travel back and forth and time changes I must have missed a dose or two. Sorry, I didn’t realize…”

“No, that’s not... I’m not mad,” Matt offers lamely.

Something closes off in Gabby’s expression, and she gets that determined no-one-can-stand-in-my-way look on her face that he’s seen many times before.

“I don’t expect anything from you, just so you know,” she says, eyes blazing. “I can take care of myself and you don’t even need to worry about child support. I have everything covered and I’m not asking anything from you. I just thought you had a right to know, but if you don’t want to be involved in the baby’s life I’ll under --”

“Woah, woah, slow down,” Matt interrupts, his jumbled thoughts finally clearing. He reaches across the table and lays a hand over hers. “Gabby _of course_ I want to be involved in this baby’s life. And of course I’ll support you, both financially and otherwise. No, that’s not up for debate,” he adds firmly, when Gabby opens her mouth to protest. “I’m helping. End of story.”

“Well, thank you,” Gabby says quietly, looking down for a moment and brushing a thumb under her eye. When she looks up her chocolate brown eyes are shining with tears. “Sorry, I’m so damn emotional all the time now,” she says with a watery laugh. “But thank you. I was afraid... I don’t know, I was afraid after everything that happened between us, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me or this baby. Which would be understandable, frankly. But I’m just glad our kid doesn’t have to grow up with only one parent.”

“Gabby,” Matt sighs, and rubs his thumb over her hand slowly, not breaking his gaze so she’ll feel the sincerity of his words. “Yeah we’ve been through a ton. More than a lot of people. Not all of which is on you, by the way. I’m sorry if I didn’t seem excited right away, it’s just a lot to process. You know how much I’ve always wanted a kid. I couldn’t be more happy about this baby and I trust you more than anyone I know to be the mother of my child, and I mean that.”

Gabby smiles up at him, a few tears leaving trails down her cheeks. Matt shakes out a napkin and hands it over, rubs his hand up and down her arm comfortingly a few times until she seems a little more settled.

“You really are happy?” Gabby finally asks, eyes hopeful.

“Ecstatic,” Matt grins, and he knows his face shows it.

“Me too,” Gabby smiles.

“But your health, and uh, all that? Have you been to see a doctor?” Matt frowns, not wanting to reopen old wounds, but also he needs to know she’s all right.

“Yeah I saw an OB in Puerto Rico and I found a new one in Chicago, my next appointment is next week. The doctor said that all signs are pointing to a healthy pregnancy so far. I’m 10 weeks.”

“And you’re sure…” Matt hesitates, not wanting to sound tactless. “Uh, you’re sure it’s mine, I mean?”

“I haven’t had a lot of time for dating what with building houses and saving lives, Matt,” Gabby shoots him a wry look. “Yeah I’m sure. You’re the only person I’ve been with for months.”

“Same here,” Matt says quickly, then feels heat rise in his cheeks. _Unnecessary information, Matt_. He can’t pretend there isn’t a small part of him that is happy Gabby hasn’t been with anyone besides him though, no matter how unhealthy it is considering the fact that they’re divorced.

He clears his throat. “Well, I’d love to come to your next appointment, if you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Gabby smiles.

“Good,” Matt says, then takes another sip of his cappuccino, thinking. Severide always says he’s such a dad and he already feels like one, thinking about appointments and finances and what Gabby and the baby will need. He has to admit it’s a nice feeling though. “Where are you staying, anyway?”

“Oh an old high school friend is letting me crash at her place while she’s out of town for a few months, while I work on finding something permanent. Luckily it’s close to the doctor’s though, so I’ll be good to walk to appointments until I can get around to buying a car.”

“I’ll drive you,” Matt offers immediately. “You shouldn’t walk Gabby, it’s the middle of winter. You’ll freeze.”

Gabby smirks at him faintly and doesn’t say anything.

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re going to be totally overprotective this whole pregnancy, aren’t you?” she chuckles, but she sounds fond, not angry.

Matt runs a hand through his hair. “Not overprotective. Just. You know. _Concerned_.”

“Mmhmm,” Gabby nods with a dubious expression and he nudges her playfully with his elbow for that. She laughs, bright and free, and the sound is like music for his soul.

“We’re going to be parents. Wow,” Matt muses, squeezing her hand again. “Third time's the charm?”

“Third time’s the charm,” Gabby agrees firmly. “This is our baby, Matt. We’ve had enough losses for a lifetime. Something’s different about this...I can just, I don’t know, _feel_ it.”

“I believe you,” Matt says, and he does, or at least he’s going to try his best to.

Gabby drains the rest of her tea and slips her hand from his. His feels cold already at the loss of contact. She stands, pulling her hat and coat back on. “Well I have to finish tackling unpacking and just generally sorting out my life so... see you next week for the appointment?”

“Sounds good,” Matt agrees, and pulls her into a long hug. “I’m really happy, Gabby,” he murmurs again into her hair.

“Me too, Matt.”

She sends him another bright smile and slips out back into the blustery afternoon snow, leaving Matt feeling more joyful than he’s been in years.

♡~♡~♡~♡


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brett and Casey have a much-needed talk, and Gabby visits Firehouse 51.

o - o - o - o - o

“Annnd… there. Your radiator is officially fixed,” Matt announces, giving the bolt one last tug with his wrench and straightening up.

“Thank you so much, you’re such a lifesaver Matt,” Sylvie sighs gratefully, warming her hands over the now-working radiator. “Seriously.”

Matt gathers his tools back into his beat-up toolbox. “Not a problem, always happy to help. And you definitely need a working radiator in the middle of winter.”

“Can’t argue with you there,” Sylvie chuckles, walking over the kitchen counter and pouring two glasses of red wine. “Now, as promised, let me hold up my end of the bargain. Dinner’s almost ready.” She holds out a glass to him.

Matt scratches the back of his neck, hesitating. “Sylvie, you really don’t have to…”

“No I insist,” she presses, offering the glass until he accepts it. “My mom always taught me to give more than you get.”

“Sounds like a smart woman,” Matt says, taking a sip of his wine and settling into a seat at Sylvie’s cozy kitchen table.

“Oh my mom is the _best_ ,” Sylvie gushes, taking a couple of plates out of the cupboard and settling them on the table. The plates are covered in a cheery floral print, because it’s Sylvie’s house and of course they are, and Matt smiles fondly at that.

“She’s like that perfect combination of comforting, yet still pushes me when I need it, at the same time, y’know? We were so close growing up – still are, actually,” Sylvie continues.

“That’s great,” Matt affirms, and he means it. Considering everything Sylvie went through with her birth mom, he’s happy to hear she still has a solid relationship with her adoptive parents.

His own home life had been far from stable growing up and it’s nice to know not everyone suffered the same fate. And now that he finally has the chance to be the kind of father to his own kid that he never had, he couldn’t be more excited about being a parent.

Speaking of which... he takes another swallow of wine, hoping for some liquid courage to have the difficult conversation he’s been putting off since Gabby told him the news.

“Sylvie, can I talk to you for a moment?” he asks, watching as Sylvie pulles a delicious-smelling pan of roasted chicken and veggies out of the oven.

“Uh-oh, you’ve got your Captain Casey voice on,” she jokes, then stills when she catches a glimpse of his face. “Oh, it _is_ serious. What is it Matt?” she frowns, setting aside the food and joining him at the table.

“Well…” Matt clears his throat, wondering what the best way to explain everything is. If his years as a firefighter have taught him anything, straight and to the point is usually the best strategy. “Gabby is back in Chicago. I just saw her a couple days ago.”

Sylvie’s eyebrows shoot up. “Wow… that’s definitely unexpected. Why hasn’t she been by the house yet? This is the first I’m hearing of it.”

“Yeah I know,” Matt searches her eyes, trying to get a read on how she’s taking the news. “She – well, _we_ – have some news to share, and I wanted a chance to tell you before you found out another way... Gabby’s pregnant. Ten weeks”

“Oh, wow…” Sylvie repeats. “Gosh, she must be so thrilled.”

“She is. We both are. When she was last in town we, uh –”

“I know how the birds and the bees work, Matt,” Sylvie interrupts, chuckling. “I’m guessing what you’re trying to say is that you’re the father?”

“Yeah, I am. It’s a little unconventional, but well, we’re both really happy about it.”

“I’m happy for you too,” Sylvie smiles warmly at him, resting a hand over his. “You’re going to be great parents, congratulations.”

“Thank you so much Sylvie. That means a lot. The reason I wanted to tell you, though, is I know that things between us have been… developing. And I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you, honestly. But I think that right now I just need to focus on this baby, and what that means for me and Gabby. I’m sorry.”

Sylvie takes a sip of her wine, clearly mulling over all the information. Then she squeezes his hand. “Matthew Casey, as long as I’ve known you, you’ve wanted two things: to be the best firefighter and Captain you can be, and to be a father. You’ve already got the first covered and now you’re finally getting the second. I’m so happy for you Matt, truly. Even if that means nothing is going to happen between us.”

Matt can feel the sincerity in her voice, and he’s grateful for it. “I’m glad you understand.”

“It just wasn’t the right time for us,” Sylvie shrugs. “Besides, we all know how in-house relationships usually go. No offense,” she adds, cheeks turning pink.

“None taken,” Matt waves a hand. “I’m pretty sure Stella and Severide are the only ones who’ve figured out how to make that work successfully.”

“If they weren’t so ridiculously cute I’d hate them for it.”

“Try living with them.”

“No thanks,” Sylvie laughs.

Matt watches her for a few moments, making sure she’s okay with the information. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her. She’s taking it better than he expected, though.

“I meant what I said, you know,” he adds, seriously. “You really are going to find an amazing guy. You deserve only the best. And I’d really love it if we could stay friends, if you’re okay with that.”

Sylvie grins. “What did you think I was going to let you out of my life that easy? I still need you around to fix leaky sinks and broken radiators.”

“Oh I see, so this friendship is just a ruse for you to use me for my construction skills,” Matt laughs.

“Yup, pretty much.”

“Well, I guess if it earns me food that smells that good, I won’t complain.”

“See, there’s always an upside,” Sylvie says, getting up to get the food, dishing it out onto their plates. She raises her glass to his. “To new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings,” Matt echoes, clinking their glasses together.

He and Sylvie probably will never be together as a couple, but he’s pretty sure he’s made a friend for life. And in all honesty, that seems even better.

o - o - o - o - o

Gabby smoothes her hands down the front of her t-shirt, turning sideways in the mirror to check if she can see a bump yet. Her stomach is still mostly flat except for a slight puffiness that her loose shirt easily hides. She’s not sure if she’s disappointed or glad that she’s not showing yet. Everything she’s read on the internet says she should start showing in the next couple of weeks. God, she hasn’t even thought about buying maternity clothes yet.

She glances at the moving boxes in various states of disarray that are strewn around the tiny apartment. It hadn’t really felt right to unpack everything since she’s only staying here temporarily, and besides, her main pregnancy symptom at the moment just seems to be tiredness, so it’s hard to muster up the energy to clean when she’d rather just take a nap.

“Ready to meet your 51 family?” she murmurs to her stomach, with a hand on her belly. People talk to their unborn babies right? She hopes she’s not going crazy.

She is interrupted in her musings by a knock at the door and she grabs her bag and coat. Matt offered to pick her up on his way to shift today so that she could stop by the house and they could tell everyone their news.

She quickly gives her appearance a last once-over in the mirror. She will say that pregnancy seems to be doing amazing things for her skin and hair, and she does feel like she has a bit of that “glow” everyone’s always talking about.

When she opens the front door Matt is there, as clean cut and handsome as ever, holding out a coffee cup. It really is unfair how good he always manages to look. “Thought I’d come bearing coffee since I know how you feel about early mornings,” he grins. “Sorry it has to be decaf.”

“Thanks Matt,” Gabby accepts the cup and takes a sip. He’s right that what she really wants is a strong hit of caffeine but she’s starting to get used to decaf. “You didn’t have to come up, you could have texted me you were outside.”

“I needed the exercise.”

“Ha ha,” Gabby rolls her eyes. Matt’s in amazing shape and they both know it. “You just better not make fun of me when I get all fat and start waddling around like a turtle.”

“You’re always beautiful, Gabby,” Matt murmurs, so softly she almost misses it. The sincerity makes her blush a little, so she pretends to be distracted by locking up the apartment door instead of answering.

She isn’t sure if she’s imagining it or not, but Matt seems to hover closer to her side as they descend the stairs, like he’s ready to catch her if she trips. Matt’s always been rather attentive with her though, she used to love it – except for when it drove her crazy.

To her horor, she feels her eyes filling with tears and she ducks her head, brushing them away hastily before Matt can see. She wasn’t kidding when she said everything makes her cry these days. And thinking about the way things ended with her and Matt, and the way she treated him… well, suffice to say, it wasn’t currently the happiest subject for her.

“Everything okay?” Matt asks once they’re in his truck and headed toward the station. “You’re quiet.”

“Just not awake enough yet,” Gabby says lightly, avoiding his gaze in favor of looking out the window. “You know I don’t play well with mornings.”

The deflection doesn’t work and Matt reads her like a book anway. “They’re going to be happy about it, you know,” he murmurs, reaching over and squeezing her knee. “And they’re going to be happy to see you too”

Gabby swallows past a lump in her throat. “I hope so.”

“Hey, none of that,” Matt frowns. He turns to look at her when they stop at a red light, his eyes looking especially blue in the early morning light. “You’re always going to be part of the 51 family Gabby, you know that. Hell, you practically _made_ the family what it is. Why are you worried?”

“I don’t know,” Gabby slides her gaze away from Matt’s back to the gray Chicago morning. This pregnancy has made her feel a lot more vulnerable than she’s used to, and she can’t say she’s loving the feeling. She’s always felt a need to project an aura of invincibility. Even Matt has only seen glimpses how insecure she can really be deep down.

“A lot went down, Matt,” she murmurs eventually.

“You think anyone cares about any of that? Ancient history. Boden would hire you back on ambo tomorrow if you asked for it. Seriously. You’ve been missed, everyone talks about you all the time. This baby is the best news you and I, and this firehouse, have had in a long time.”

Gabby takes a deep breath and nods. She’s run into burning buildings without batting an eye, been held at gunpoint more than once. She can handle this. “Okay. Okay, yeah, it’ll be fine. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Matt pulls the truck to the curb outside Firehouse 51 and Gabby stares up at it. It seems like the firehouse should have changed somehow, but it’s the same as ever, except for the addition of Otis’ memorial outfront, which tugs at her heart. So many memories here, and also unfortunately so much loss.

As they walk up the familiar driveway to the front door, she’s reminded of all the times the two of them would make this walk hand in hand, so carefree and in love. She itches to feel the warmth and security of having her hand in his again. She stuffs her hands in her pockets instead.

As soon as she and Matt walk into the common room, there’s a resounding chorus of “Dawson!” and she’s instantly enveloped in hugs from everyone from truck, squad, and ambo. It feels like coming home, and her worries melt away as she lets herself be swept back into her second family, her best friends.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?” Stella exclaims. “You just had to make a grand entrance didn’t you?”

“You know me, had to do it Gabby-style,” she jokes, and everyone laughs. “It’s so good to see you all. I missed this motley crew.”

“We missed you too,” Brett says, hugging her and resting her head on her shoulder.

Matt, who’s been watching the reunion with a smile, clears his throat and everyone instantly snaps their attention on him. “Everyone, if you could just hold on for a moment… Gabby and I have some news.”

The whole room goes silent and there are a dozen wide eyes fixed on them expectantly. Gabby’s heart pounds.  
  


Matt looks at her. “Do you want to, or should I?”

“I will.” Gabby takes a deep breath and faces the room. “Everyone… I’m pregnant. It’s uh, it’s mine and Matt’s. We’re going to be parents. For real this time.”

There’s a beat of silence and for once heart stopping second Gabby thinks maybe it was a mistake, maybe they’re not going to be happy after what happened last time, maybe they haven’t forgiven her for leaving, but then –

The room absolutely explodes with noise.

Herrmann grabs them first, cheering and tugging her and Casey in a bone-crushing hug. “Oh man, I _knew_ it! I always said the two’s a you were always meant to be parents! I knew you’d get your baby one day. Didn’t I Cruz? Didn’t I always say it was gonna happen?”

“He did,” Cruz confirms, beaming and coming over to kiss Gabby on the cheek with a _“felicidades cariña.”_ He then swoops her up in a giant bear hug and spins her around until Casy warns “careful, Cruz” with an edge to his voice, and Cruz sets her back on her feet instantly.

_Overprotective_ , Gabby mouths at Matt from over Stella’s shoulder, who’s now hugging her and gushing about how perfect it all is. Matt gives a sheepish grin and shrugs.

Boden walks over and pumps Casey’s hand vigorously, and hugs Gabby, looking as pleased as if it were his own kid. “I am so, so happy for you two,” he says, and Casey claps him on the back amiably.

“Thanks Chief. Means a lot.”

Gabby barely gets in a word edgewise as she and Matt are swept up in a sea of hugs, congratulations, and well-wishes. Brett and Kidd get teary-eyed, which of course sets Gabby off, and even the usual “tough guys” like Cap and Tony look a little emotional. She could _swear_ she saw Severide’s eyes shining, but then again, she’s sure he would deny it.

The outpouring of love is wonderful but also a little overwhelming, so she’s secretly relieved when the bells go off and all three units are called to a structure fire.

“Want to ride along in ambo?” Foster offers, as everyone disperses and heads towards the garage.

“Nah, you all go ahead, I’m just going to hang out here,” Gabby waves her off, and Foster nods, striding off.

Matt hangs back and beams at her, eyes crinkling at the corners. “What did I tell you?”

“Okay, okay, you were right,” Gabby concedes, pushing him in the direction of the garage doors. “Stop gloating and go save lives, Captain.”

Matt winks and turns to head out, and at the last second Gabby calls out, without really thinking, “Keep your badge off that wall, okay?”

Matt pauses and stares back at her, an odd look on his face. But the look is gone before she can read what it means, and he just says, “Always,” and turns back to push his way through the garage doors to Truck 81.

She’s left standing alone in the deserted common room, and she looks around, taking in all the memories. All the laughter and heartaches they shared here. It truly is her home, and it’s hard to believe she ever left. Yet, she doesn’t know if she will ever work as a paramedic again. A lot has changed, and she’s not the same person she used to be.

Her hand unconsciously drifts to her stomach. She’s also got a new little life to think about, a child whose father will be out on the streets of Chicago risking his life everyday. She’s not sure she wants her kid to have two parents constantly facing dangerous situations everyday.

Then again, if Matt has his way, their kid will probably be determined to be a firefighter before the age of five. She smiles a little at the thought, about what kind of dad Matt’s going to be. As many worries as she’s had about this pregnancy, the one thing she never doubted since she read those double lines on the pregnancy stick is that Matt will be the most amazing dad. Their experience with Louie, although eventually ending in heartbreak, taught her that.

She wanders over to the bullpen and says hi to Connie, chatting a bit about the news and how things have been. Then she heads out into the hallway, pausing before the row of photos hanging on the wall.

She runs her fingers over the plaque underneath the one picture she’s looked at so many times, _Leslie Elizabeth Shay, 1978-2014._

“Miss you, girl,” Gabby whispers, chest constricting with emotion as she looks at the best friend she’s ever had. “Wish you were here for this.”

Shay would be over the moon about the baby, Gabby knows. She’d probably declare her and Severide the official godparents without asking and spoil their kid like crazy. Gabby chuckles, brushing away a few tears that are tracing down her cheeks.

She’ll always miss Shay deeply, but if today has shown her anything, it’s that her baby still has a firehouse full of people who will love this child like their own. Their baby is being born with a second family already in place, and that thought makes her incredibly grateful.

“You’re loved, you know?” she murmurs, rubbing her stomach. “You’re really, really loved.”

Things with her and Matt might be complicated, and this may not be how she imagined starting a family would go, but with all the love they have here, she’s pretty sure she can make it through anything.

o - o - o - o - o


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Gabby cope with some unexpected news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's left kudos and comments! So happy you're enjoying this story. This chapter a little heavier but there's lots of fluff coming up very soon :) 
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter: description of a panic attack

o - o - o - o - o

**_Chapter 3_ **

o - o - o - o - o

Gabby swings her feet aimlessly, the paper on the examination table crinkling noisily as she shifts around.

Matt, who’s sitting in a chair in the corner of the exam room, looks up from his phone and raises an eyebrow. “Nervous?”

“No,” Gabby says reflexively, then sighs. “Yes. Maybe, I don’t know. I hate waiting.”

“That I know,” Matt grins and stands, coming over to her side and putting a hand on her back.

She tries not to melt into it too much, tries not to show how much she still loves to be touched by him. Over their year apart, she had just started getting used to not having his secure, comforting presence around her at all times, and now that they’ve been thrown back together it scares her how much she already craves being near him.

“It’s going to be fine, Gabby,” Matt soothes, rubbing a few gentle circles on her back. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“I know, I know, just… doctor jitters,” Gabby explains, pushing a lock of stray hair behind her ear. She should really think about getting a haircut sometime soon. Add that to her ever-growing list of things she needs to do. She is definitely starting to get stressed about how unsettled her life feels at the moment, considering there’s a baby on the way.

She doesn’t mention to Matt that most of the reason she’s so nervous is that deep down she’s terrified the doctor will tell her something bad about this pregnancy. She still occasionally has nightmares about losing their previous pregnancy and losing Louie, waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat with hot tears pouring down her face. But it’s not like she’s told anyone about that, nor does she want to. She’s fine. Gabby Dawson can handle anything. Or at least that’s what she tells people, anyway.

Matt continues rubbing her back and looks like he wants to say something else, but they’re interrupted by a knock on the examination room door. A friendly looking woman in a white coat with glasses and bobbed brown hair comes in.

“Gabriela Dawson?” the doctor asks, reading off the chart in her hand.

“That’s me,” Gabby answers, trying to look more brave than she feels. She gestures to the man at her side. “This Matt, he’s my... um, he’s the baby’s father.”

“I’m Dr. Carlson,” the doctor greets them, shaking both of their hands with a warm smile. “I understand we have a little one on the way?”

“Yep, 10 weeks along.”

“Good, good,” Dr. Carlson pulls up a seat at the computer, types in a few things. “Well I’m going to start with a general examination, take your blood pressure, weight, and so on, then we’ll do an ultrasound and at the end I’ll have a nurse take some blood so we can run a few standard tests. Does that sound okay?”

Gabby is instantly put at ease by the doctor’s calm tone. Matt’s steady presence at her side doesn’t hurt either. “Sure, that sounds good.”

“Will we, uh –” Matt clears his throat. “Will we be able to hear the heartbeat?”

Dr. Carlson smiles at him. “Yes, you will. Is this your first child?”

The question shouldn’t feel like a bullet to the chest, but it does. Gabby sucks in a breath, and Matt puts his hand on her back again. Dr. Carlson frowns, clearly noticing the reaction, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see anything in your chart about other children…” she apologizes.

Matt speaks up for them both, and Gabby is immensely thankful. “It’s alright. She had an ectopic pregnancy before, and we had a foster son but… we lost him. So this is the first full pregnancy, yes.”

“I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through,” the doctor says sympathetically, rolling over a blood pressure machine and wrapping the cuff around Gabby’s arm.

Dr. Carlson takes a variety of vital signs and other measurements, and then she and Gabby talk through Gabby's medical history and how the pregnancy has been so far. Then she has Gabby lay back on the exam table and pulls over the ultrasound machine, rubbing some jelly on Gabby’s stomach. After a few moments of probing with the wand, a steady thump fills the monitor.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” the doctor smiles. “Nice and strong. And see that little shape on the monitor? That’s your baby right there. They’re still tiny, about the size of a strawberry, but that’s a good steady heartbeat I hear.”

Gabby’s eyes fill with tears as she listens to the heartbeat and takes in the fuzzy black-and-white shape on the screen. “That’s our baby.” She turns her head to look at Matt, who’s staring in wonder at the screen. “Matt, that’s our baby.”

Matt gazes down at her, and his eyes are shining bright too. He breaks into a huge ear-splitting grin. “Wow… This is real. We’re having a baby,” he breathes, finding Gabby’s hand and squeezing it.

“You are definitely having a baby,” Dr. Carlson smiles. “Congratulations, you two.”

After a few more minutes with the ultrasound, Dr. Carlson prints them a couple copies of the image of their baby and finishes up the exam. Gabby is still in awe of hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Matt’s right, until she heard that steady thump on the monitor, it hadn’t seemed real. It finally feels like she might just be getting what she’s always wanted. And from the look on Matt’s face, she can tell he’s overjoyed too.

“Now, I’d like to talk to you both,” Dr. Carlson takes a seat, fixing them with a level stare and Gabby’s stomach plummets.

“What? Is something wrong? Is the baby okay?” she asks anxiously.

Dr. Carlson holds up a hand. “Slow down, Gabby. So far all signs are pointing to a very healthy pregnancy, for both you and the baby. Your vitals are good, your weight is right on track and the ultrasound was normal.”

Gabby stays tense, because she can tell there’s a ‘but’ coming. Matt is stiff beside her too, assuming the tall, ready-for-anything stance that is his usual demeanor on tough fire calls.

“That being said,” the doctor continues. “You do have a concerning history, both with the ectopic pregnancy and an aneurysm, which is still present. This makes this a high-risk pregnancy – which does _not_ mean anything is wrong with the baby or you, but that we will need to keep a very close eye on things and make sure that they are progressing on track.

“Due to this risk, I’m going to put you on modified bed rest for the remainder of this pregnancy, Gabby. I know that this may come as a shock, but it’s to keep you and the baby safe and to make sure that you have a healthy, full-term pregnancy. We may need to consider a C-section when it comes time to deliver, but we can discuss that closer to your due date.”

Gabby’s head spins and panic fills her chest. The phrase _high risk_ bounces around her brain, making her unable to focus on anything else. She looks over to Matt, needing his steadiness right now.

His face is drawn but resolute. He wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Gabby’s health and the baby’s health will always be our first priority,” he says firmly. “What does ‘modified bed rest’ mean?”

“In Gabby’s case it will mean she needs to spend the majority of the day resting either in bed or on the couch with her feet up. Sitting in a chair is okay for less than an hour at a time, and short, easy walks around the house or outside briefly, are okay. No lifting anything heavier than 5 pounds, no stairs, and no standing for longer than a few minutes at a time.”

Dr. Carlson gives a sympathetic look to Gabby. “I know this sounds like a lot, but it can be quite manageable with the help of your partner. Just think of it as a permission slip to totally relax for the next 6 months.” The doctor grabs a pamphlet off the wall and hands it over, _So You’ve Been Put on Bed Rest, Now What?_ written on the front.

“What about work?” Gabby asks, head still whirling. She hopes Matt will remember the doctor’s instructions, because she feels like she’s moving through quicksand, struggling to process all the information. She had been so happy just a moment ago, hearing the baby’s heartbeat, and now she’s terrified.

“Unfortunately you won’t be able to go into an office. Working from home in a comfortable position for a few hours a day is okay, as long as it’s low stress. It’s very important for you to keep your stress levels low as well. Bed rest does count as a medical condition, so I can write you a note if you will need to file for medical leave from work,” Dr. Carlson explains.

Gabby vaguely hears Matt asking the doctor more questions about what will be okay for Gabby to do, but she can’t concentrate on anything. The appointment ends in a haze, and she lets Matt walk her out to his truck with a hand on her back, still in a fog.

She slides into the passenger seat, dimly aware of Matt getting in on the driver’s side. She stares blankly ahead out the windshield. It isn’t fair. Why can’t things just work out the way she wants for once? Why does everything always have to go wrong? All she’s ever wanted is a baby. It feels like the universe is determined to keep her from her one thing she desires more than anything.

“Gabby, look at me,” Matt says after a few moments, and Gabby slowly turns to him. “Are you alright?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Gabby nods silently. Matt frowns at her in that familiar, concerned way of his.

“It’ll be alright, Gabs,” Matt insists. “The doctor said both you and this baby are healthy, and that’s the only thing that matters. The bed rest is just a precaution. People get put on bed rest all the time, remember Cindy and Herrmann with their last kid? We can totally manage this. You can move in with me and Severide, and I’ll make sure everyth–”

“Hold on,” Gabby interrupts, her brain suddenly firing back to life. “Back up. Who said anything about me moving in with you?”

Matt stares at her as if she’s lost her mind. “Gabby, c’mon. You heard the doctor. There’s a lot you’re not going to be able to do on your own. You’re not even supposed to lift anything heavier than five pounds, how are you going to get groceries, do things around the house, cook? Plus, like you said, the place you’re staying is only temporary. It just makes sense for you to move in with me.”

“You can’t just make decisions for me, Matt!” Gabby’s temper flares, hot and unexpected even to her. But in a twisted way, getting angry feels better than the utter despair that she was feeling before. “You’re not my husband anymore, you don’t get to decide what I’m going to do!”

“Like hell I don’t,” Matt’s eyes narrow, and his tone drops icily. “You think I don’t care what happens to you and this baby? You think I don’t have any say here? Or are you just going to make decisions all by yourself again and leave me to pick up the pieces, like you always do?”

“Oh great, blame everything on me, that’s just great Matt,” Gabby seethes. “Because everything’s always my fault, right? Evil Gabby Dawson and perfect Matt Casey, who can do no wrong!”

“I’m trying to do what’s best here!” Matt throws up his hands, face flushing with anger. “That’s what I’ve always tried to do, Gabby, if you hadn’t noticed! I can’t lose another child, I just can’t, that’s not happening.”

“You think I don’t feel the same way?” A tide of fear rolls over Gabby, so intense it almost knocks the wind out of her. Her stomach twists sharply. “Losing Louie and losing our baby nearly killed me. You have _no idea_ what it feels like to have a life inside of you and then to just lose it in the blink of an eye... I can’t, I won’t…” she trails off as the wave of panic rises, and all the memories start flooding back.

_Louie walking away with tears in his eyes. Feeling that stabbing pain in her gut and knowing instantly something was wrong and she was powerless to stop it. The look on Dr. Halstead’s face. Louie in her arms, looking up at her, trusting her. The moment when she realized they were going to have to give the child they loved more than anything, their child, up. Waking up in the hospital…_

The walls of the truck seem to cave in on her and suddenly she can’t breathe, she’s gasping for air as pure terror overtakes her and she’s trapped, she’s going to lose this baby, she can’t breathe, she’s all alone, she can’t do this, not again, she’s not strong enough – 

“Gabby. Gabby. Gabriela Dawson, look at me!” Matt orders, breaking through the haze of her panic and she looks to him, gasping for air, needing something to anchor her because she’s falling, she’s floating away, she’s drowning...

  
Matt grabs her hand and places it firmly on the center of his own chest and holds it there. “Breathe with me Gabby,” he commands, taking an exaggerated breath in, not breaking eye contact. “Take a big breath in for me, just like this.”

She tries to focus on the sound of his voice, the feel of her hand against his chest, and after a moment she sucks in a ragged breath, letting it out as slow as she can.

“Good job, another one,” Matt coaxes, breathing in again, and waiting until she does the same. “Good Gabby, you’re doing great. You’re doing so good, baby. Another big breath for me, you can do it.” She focuses on his steady gaze and follows his breathing, lets him be her only anchor in the wave of panic that threatens to drown her.

“Everything is okay, you’re safe. It’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe,” Matt soothes tenderly, still holding her hand to his chest and leading her through another round of breaths.

Slowly, the panic releases its death grip on her chest and her breathing slows to a more normal pace. As the fear ebbs away, it’s replaced by a sense of utter, pure exhaustion. Matt’s still hovering close to her with his face right in front of hers, holding her hand, not breaking eye contact.

“There we go,” he murmurs when he notices her relaxing. “Nice easy breathing. You’re okay, Gabby, you’re safe, I’m here.”

Gabby nods, then leans into him and drops her head onto his chest. He still smells like his favorite Old Spice body wash, and the scent is a welcome comfort. He wraps his arms around her and rubs her back in slow, soothing circles. She lets herself be held, as much as she wishes she didn’t, that she was stronger, the only thing she needs right now is to be in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers after a few moments. “I haven’t had one of those in a while.”

“It’s alright,” Matt says gently. “I’m glad I was here.”

Gabby’s glad too. She doesn’t have panic attacks often, but they’re even more terrifying to go through when she’s alone. Matt is the only one who ever knew, she’s never even told Antonio she has them. Matt is the only person she’s ever trusted to see her at her most vulnerable like this, and the only one who can anchor her when she feels like she’s being swept away.

Unfortunately the panic attacks have been more frequent then she would like since she and Matt split up, but she’s been soldering through them alone as best she can. Having him back at her side to comfort her through one is as nice as it is painful.

Tears start to slide down her face, dampening the front of Matt’s sweater, but she’s too tired to move.

“How is this going to work, Matt?” she whispers sadly. “We can’t even go to a doctor’s appointment without getting into a huge fight. How are we ever going to raise a child together?”

“Hey,” Matt says, gently shifting her so that his gaze meets hers. His blue eyes are bright with conviction. “We have some things to work out between us, you’re right. But I also know that you and I are going to love this baby with everything we’ve got. And at the end of the day, that’s all kids really need, parents that love them unconditionally. I’ve never doubted that we will give our child that. We can do this, Gabby.”

Gabby nods, trying to draw strength from Matt’s steadiness. He’s always been her rock, her guiding light through all the storms of life, and she’s glad that if she’s going through this with anyone, it’s with him.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” she says quietly. “I think I just was – am, scared. It all feels so overwhelming.”

“I know it does. I feel it too, Gabby. But you’re not in this alone, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”

“I know. Thank you.” Gabby musters up the most sincere smile she can. Matt runs a thumb across her cheek, wiping away a few stray tears, and the heartfelt gesture makes her stomach swoop.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have tried to control you. I think I just…” he sighs heavily. “When I get worried about you, I just want to keep you safe. Sometimes it comes out as being controlling, which is not my intention. I’ll work on it, promise.”

“I get it. We both have things to work on. It’s a two way street.”

Matt nods. “We’ll get through this Gabby.”

“I hope so.”

“I _know_ so.”

“I’ll try to trust you on that.”

They sit together in silence for a few moments, both of them lost in thought. Eventually Gabby comes to an internal decision and she meets his gaze. “You’re right, Matt. Considering everything, it does make the most sense for me to move in with you temporarily. If you think Severide and Stella won’t mind?”

“Are you kidding? Stella’s going to be over the moon she finally has someone to watch her trashy reality shows with,” Matt grins. “Just picture it, you’ll have three full-fledged firefighters around to do your bidding.”

“Oh joy,” Gabby rolls her eyes, already imagining the antics all of them will get into. “I just have one condition, though.”

Matt raises his eyebrows expectantly. “Name it.”

“You keep the freezer stocked with mint chocolate chip ice cream. I swear, that is my only pregnancy craving, and I cannot live without it.”

Matt lets out a surprised laugh, then holds out a hand to shake, grinning. “Deal. I think I can handle that.”

“You better,” Gabby smirks, shaking his hand.

Matt starts the truck and pulls out of the parking lot. They’re both quiet on the drive back to Gabby’s apartment. For Gabby, she’s mostly exhausted more than anything else, but she does wonder what’s going through Matt’s head. His face is stoic and unreadable as he stares out at the road.

She doesn’t remember falling asleep but she must at some point, because next thing she knows she’s being gently shaken awake by Matt.

“Hey, we’re back,” he says gently, standing on her side of the truck and looking down on her with a small smile.

“Mm? Oh… sorry,” Gabby mumbles, as she slowly wakes up. She blinks her eyes groggily. “I don’t have any morning sickness, but god does pregnancy make me tired.”

Matt’s eyes are soft. “It’s fine. You are growing a human after all, I think you’re entitled to some extra sleep. Here, watch your step.” He offers a hand and carefully helps her down from the truck.

When they reach the stairs leading up to her apartment, she stares up at them with trepidation. She had just walked down them this morning, but the doctor had specifically said no stairs. Suddenly this whole bed rest thing seems impossible. How is she supposed to follow all these rules for six whole months?

“I think it’s fine, if you just take them slow,” Matt chimes in, reading her mind like always. “Or I can carry you up if you want.”

Gabby thinks he must be joking but when she looks up at him, he’s dead serious. “Matt. If you try to carry me up these stairs I will scream bloody murder,” she says flatly, and Matt laughs.

“I figured, but it was worth a try anyway,” he grins. “Your loss. I had a lady just last week tell me how well I carried her out of a burning building.”

“Oh yeah, and was she about 85?” Gabby chuckles, as they slowly ascend the staircase. It feels so weird to have to think about doing everything so gently. She’s always been so used operating at full speed ahead.

“Maybe. I’m quite popular with the senior crowd, it seems.”

“Yeah I remember how Mrs. Davidson would just about faint every time you showed up on one of her calls,” Gabby smirks, reminiscing about her days on ambo. “You and Severide were always terrible for my patients’ pressure.”

“What can I say, it’s the suspenders.”

“Mhmm.”

“I seem to remember on one occasion, you specifically requested me to keep my turnout gear on when we…”

“Hey! That was one time,” Gabby laughs. “A moment of weakness.”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” Matt winks, then holds the apartment door open for her when she unlocks it.

All the banter made her feel like it was old times, when she and Matt were happy together, but returning to the unfamiliar apartment with boxes strewn everywhere makes her crash back to reality. She deflates and lets out a sigh.

“What is it?” Matt asks, following her into the apartment.

“Nothing. Just not looking forward to packing all of this up and trying to clean this place up.”

“Hey, you don’t need to worry about any of that,” Matt frowns, turning to face her. “You shouldn’t be exerting yourself, remember? I’ll help you pack, and I bet Stella and Severide will too.”

“I don’t want to make you do that…” Gabby wavers, biting her lip.

“Gabby.” Matt puts his hands on her shoulders firmly and waits until she looks up at him. “I know you’re not used to it, but you’re going to have to let me help you, okay? You’re going to have to let me do things for you. It doesn’t make you a burden or any less of the strong, independent woman you are.”

“I can handle myself,” Gabby defends, because it’s true. And she has. She’s learned that she can be the person there for herself when no one else is. She’s been doing that ever since she was a kid, how is she supposed to just stop that on a dime?

“I _know_ you can,” Matt sighs, leading her over to the couch. When she sits down he crouches down in front of her, takes her hand. “You’re the strongest woman I know. But maybe the strongest thing you can do right now is let other people help you. Let _me_ help you.”

Gabby stares into his earnest blue eyes, and for one fleeting second, she wants nothing more than to lean forward and press her lips to his.

But that time has passed. Matt’s moved on, and she needs to too. Just because they’re having a baby together doesn’t change things between them.

“I’m going to try,” Gabby sighs, curling up on the couch. “It’s all a little much right now, honestly.”

“I know,” Matt squeezes her shoulder and grabs a pillow from the other end of the couch, helping slide it under her head. “Just relax for now, okay?”

“Okay,” Gabby agrees, her eyes already starting to feel heavy. Matt looks her over for a few moments.

“Do you need anything before I go? Want me to make you some lunch or something?”

Gabby chuckles. “Matt, we both know you can barely make toast without burning it. In fact, _can_ you make toast without burning it?”

“I can make toast,” Matt grumbles. “And you know, other… things. Scrambled eggs! I can make scrambled eggs.”

“God help the poor firefighters who had to eat your cooking when you were a candidate. When was that, the 1960s?” she teases.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Matt rolls his eyes. “You’re only six years younger than me, you know.”

“And yet I barely look 25,” Gabby bats her eyelashes dramatically.

“Yeah yeah, rub it in the old guy’s face,” Matt laughs. “Severide seems to make the gray hair thing work. Maybe I’ll turn into a silver fox.”

“Hmm, maybe,” Gabby hums, smiling. Matt will always be the most attractive man ever to her, no matter how old he gets. She knows she’ll never feel for anyone what she feels for him.

A huge yawn takes her over, and Matt’s eyes soften. “Okay, I think someone needs a nap,” he says, getting up to grab a blanket off the opposite couch and draping it over her.

“‘M not five,” Gabby mumbles, eyes already closing despite her best efforts to keep them open.

“I know,” Matt says gently. “You’re tired though, you need to sleep. I’ll lock the door on my way out. You sure you don’t need anything?”

“Mm… no, all good.” Gabby yawns again, snuggling into the pillow. Matt tugs the blanket higher over her shoulders.

“Sleep well, Gabs,” Matt murmurs. Gabby thinks she feels a press of his lips to her forehead before the front door clicks closed, but she’s asleep too quickly to tell for sure.

o - o - o - o - o


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casey, Severide, and Stella help Gabby move in with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo! I'm sorry it's taken so long for an update! I had writers block but I'm hoping to post much more frequently now. Thank you for kudos and any comments, it means so much! <3 
> 
> PS, if you want more Dawsey in the meantime, I'm posting daily ficlets on my tumblr @foreverdawsey

o - o - o - o - o

**Chapter 4**

o - o - o - o - o

“Gabby, for the last time, _sit down_ ,” Matt sighs exasperatedly, grabbing her by the shoulders and firmly steering her toward the couch, not releasing her until she sits. 

“I can help,” Gabby complains, crossing her arms stubbornly and glaring up at him. “Let me carry some pillows or something. I hate sitting around and being useless.” 

Matt glances to the ceiling like he’s praying for patience, which he probably is. Gabby will admit this situation hasn’t been easy on either of them. 

“Gabby. Bed rest means _resting._ As in, relaxing, not moving, not lifting things? Also known as keeping your damn ass on that couch _._ ” 

Gabby sighs. “I know you’re angry when you start swearing.” 

“You are the most frustrating person to try and get to stay still, I swear,” Matt grumbles, raking a hand through his hair, which is a little sweaty due to him lifting boxes all morning. “Most people are happy to have an excuse to do nothing, you know that right?” 

Severide comes up from behind Casey, depositing a box on the living room floor. “Doing nothing isn’t really Dawson’s style,” he grins. 

“See, he gets it!” Gabby exclaims, throwing up her hands in triumph. “You understand me, Severide.” 

Kelly rolls his eyes at her, but he’s smiling anyway, and squeezes her shoulder affectionately. “Sorry Gabby, I’m still on Casey’s side. You’re supposed to be doing as little as possible. Besides, we’re almost done unloading anyway, just a couple more trips.” 

Stella walks through the door, setting down a heavy-sounding box with a huff. “Jeez girl, what you got in there, half of the Chicago Public Library?” she teases. 

“Books are my weakness,” Gabby explains apologetically. “Sorry about that, thanks for carrying it up. Thank you to all three of you, really, you didn’t have to.” She bites her lip. “And for letting me stay here and everything… it means a lot, I swear. I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.” 

Suddenly, she’s dangerously close to tears, and she mentally wills her pregnancy hormones to stay in check so she doesn’t turn into a blubbering mess in front of her best friends. 

Matt must notice -- he always notices, whether she wants him to or not -- because he places a broad hand on her back and rubs gently. Severide waves a hand dismissively. 

“Don’t even mention it. You two took me in when I needed somewhere to go, it’s the least we can do. Besides, you’re family, Dawson,” Kelly assures. 

“We’re all happy you’re here,” Stella chimes in. “You should be with friends right now.” 

Gabby’s heart swells with fondness. She’s not sure she deserves their kindness, especially considering she all but abandoned her friends a year ago. For them to take her in like this, no questions asked, is overwhelming, but in a good way. 

Stella and Kelly head out the door to get more boxes, but Matt hangs back and sits down next to Gabby on the couch. She reluctantly meets his concerned blue eyes. 

“Everything’s gonna be fine, okay?” Matt says, holding her gaze steadily. “I know the doctor’s orders and moving, and everything, it feels like a lot. But you’re going to be fine, and the baby’s going to be fine, Gabby.” 

She’s not sure if it’s annoying or comforting that Casey can still read her like a book. Beneath her unwillingness to sit still is a prickling current of anxiety that makes her itch to do something, _anything_. 

But his gaze is serious and steady, and she lets herself get swept up in the familiar comfort of his reassurance for a moment.

“I know,” Gabby says softly, breaking eye contact to stare down at her hands, picking absently at her nail polish. “I know, thanks Matt. I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to keep telling me that. I’m sorry I’ve been such a mess.” 

“You’re not a mess and I don’t mind,” Matt bumps her shoulder with his own. “It’s okay to be human sometimes, you know.” 

Gabby huffs. “Yeah I’ve definitely been doing a lot of that lately. It’s just hard… in Puerto Rico, I was leading a ten person medical team, working sixteen hour days, sleeping in tents. And now everything’s changed _so_ much. It’s weird feeling so…” she looks back up at him, not sure what word she’s looking for. “It’s just weird feeling so helpless, I guess.” 

“I hear that,” Matt nods. “All this has thrown me too. We’ll adjust, though.” 

The statement reminds her a little too much of when he told her they could get through anything. Because it turns out they couldn’t, after all. Or at least, she couldn’t, since she was the one who ran away. The familiar barrage of self-criticism rises in her mind and she pushes it back as best she can. 

“I need to pee,” Gabby announces, knowing she’s breaking the moment. Her palms are starting to sweat and her chest is thudding and she suddenly feels like she just needs to be somewhere, anywhere, but here having this conversation. 

Matt’s eyebrows lift in surprise but he doesn’t say anything, just points her in the direction of the bathroom and she slips off gratefully. 

She knows she needs to address what’s going on with her, needs to face the fear that grips her every time Matt starts to poke a little too deep, but she just can’t. Not yet anyway. 

When she returns to the living room a few minutes later, thankfully feeling much more collected, Matt is setting up a sheet on the second couch in the corner of the loft.

Gabby heads over to him. “What are you doing?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. 

Matt glances at her warily and then starts pulling a pillowcase over a pillow. “Setting up the couch for me to sleep tonight.” 

“Matt.. no,” Gabby groans, shaking her head. “You can’t sleep out here, I’m not going to put you out like that. I’ll take the couch and you keep your bedroom. Seriously, I’ll feel terrible if you have to sleep on the couch for the next six months, c’mon.” 

“Gabby,” Matt turns to her and gives her a level stare, his usual no-nonsense captain look. “You’re pregnant. You’re not sleeping on a couch. You’ll take the bed and I’ll sleep out here temporarily. We’ll figure out something more permanent soon, I can get a cot or something.” 

“I can’t let you do th --” 

“--Gabby, it’s not up for debate,” Matt holds up a hand, interrupting her. “Sorry, I’m going to pull rank on this one. You’re the guest, you’re pregnant, and you’re sleeping in my bedroom. Can we please not argue about this?” his voice is firm but his eyes are gentle, softly pleading with her. 

She contemplates pushing the issue, but Matt’s right, she doesn’t want to argue either. She deflates. “Fine.” 

“Good,” Matt looks pleased. “Glad that’s settled. Why don’t you go sit and put your feet up?” 

Gabby still feels like she should be _doing_ something, not just sitting around, but she lets a hand drift to her stomach, remembering the doctor’s orders. She’ll do whatever it takes to keep this baby safe, even if that means very un-Gabby like behavior like lying on the couch all day. 

She heads over to the other couch and stretches out, plumping up a pillow behind her back and settling in. “Happy?” she calls out to Casey. 

“Very, actually,” he grins. “You need anything? I’m going to go help with the rest of your stuff but I can get you something.” 

Gabby bites her lip. _Asking for help._ _She can do this, right._ “Um… would you mind getting me a book? Anything from that box Stella brought up is fine.” 

“Of course,” Matt says, ripping the tape of the box with a pocket knife, and picking a book off the top. “Let’s see, we have… _The Murder of Roger Ackroyd_ , sounds very dramatic,” he reads the title, smirking faintly at her. 

“Oh shut up, at least I read something other than fire response manuals,” she teases, accepting the book when he hands it to her. 

“Ouch, I’m wounded,” Matt grins, clutching his chest dramatically. “You fight dirty, Dawson.” 

“Don’t you know it,” Gabby winks, laughing. Matt chuckles too. For the first time since they got the doctor’s news, Matt looks genuinely happy, and that lifts Gabby’s spirits too. 

“Alright, I’m going to go see what’s taking those two so long with the boxes. Knowing them, they’re probably making out in my truck by now,” Matt rolls his eyes. “Can I trust you to stay put?” 

Gabby puts a hand on her heart. “Scout’s honor.” 

“Good,” Matt smiles down at her for a moment, eyes bright. She briefly longs to reach up and pull him in for a kiss. Even though she knows intellectually that they’re not together anymore, the muscle memory is still there. 

But she doesn’t, and Matt heads out the door, still looking happy. She cracks open her novel and settles further down into the couch. 

o - o - o - o - o

Gabby tucks her legs up underneath her, settling the bowl of ice cream in her lap. She scoops out a generous spoonful and savors the wonderful taste of mint chocolate chip ice cream. 

“Now this, this is heaven,” Gabby sighs, closing her eyes and tipping her head back against the couch. “If you want to make a pregnant lady happy, just give her ice cream.” 

Stella laughs and shifts her gaze away from the TV, where she’d been scrolling through Netflix trying to find something for them to watch. “Duly noted. Seems only fair since you can’t have any of this for the next few months,” she says, taking a sip from the glass of red wine in her hands. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Gabby groans, eating another spoonful of ice cream. “Although it does give me a good excuse for missing out on Severide and Casey yelling about the ‘Hawks at Molly’s, so I guess it’s not all bad.” 

“See, silver lining,” Stella chuckles. “I’m glad you’re my excuse for not going out tonight too. Gotta look after our girl.” 

Gabby scrunches up her nose in distaste. “You make me sound like a pet dog or something.” 

“I mean, I did get strict instructions to keep you fed and watered from Casey, so…” 

Gabby tosses a pillow at her, laughing. “Shut up.” 

“What, it’s true!” Stella defends with a grin, catching the pillow. Then the look on her face turns more serious. “He just cares about you, that’s all. We all do.” 

Gabby swallows past a large lump that’s risen in her throat. “I know… I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry?” Stella frowns, and shifts so she’s facing Gabby on the couch. “What do you mean?” 

“Just for, you know… all of this,” Gabby gestures around at the boxes in the apartment, sighing. “For imposing on you. Making you take me in. You shouldn’t have to.” 

“Gabby,” Stella’s frown deepens and she reaches a hand out to hers, squeezing gently. “No one’s making us do anything. We _want_ you to be here.” 

Gabby swallows thickly, feeling unshed tears sting hotly at the corner of her eyes. “I guess I’m still having trouble believing that.” 

“Well you’re gonna need to start believing it, sister, because it’s true,” Stella smiles softly, then nudges Gabby’s leg with her own. “Gabby, are you okay? You seem… not like yourself, these days.” 

“It’s just being pregnant and all the crazy hormones,” Gabby deflects, running a hand under her eyes. “It’s making me way too emotional, I swear.” 

Stella doesn’t look convinced. “I mean, I get that, but are you sure there’s not something else going on?” She takes another sip of wine, eyeing her seriously. “C’mon Gabs, it’s me, you can talk to me. Didn’t we promise to always stick together? Kidd and Dawson, for life.” 

The reminder of the pact they had made pushes Gabby over the edge and tears spill out over her cheeks. “That’s just it, Stella. We did promise to stick together and then I just left. I left you, I left Matt, and now everything’s all screwed up. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She buries her face in her hands, the tears falling hard and fast now. A small sob escapes her lips.

“Gabby, hey,” Stella says softly, scooting over to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against her side. “Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.” 

Gabby cries against her shoulder. The guilt is overwhelming, and she also feels ashamed for breaking down on Stella like this, which just makes her cry harder. “I don’t deserve any of you being nice to me,” she chokes out. “I ruined everything. What kind of person leaves their job, their friends, their _husband,_ just like that? You all should hate me for it. I don’t deserve this, I’m not worth it.” 

Stella hugs her tighter. “That’s not true, Gabby. You know it’s not true. You left because you wanted to help people. No one holds that against you,” she murmurs. 

“I just… I wish I could go back and do it all differently,” Gabby hiccups, trying to catch her breath, trying to calm down. “Everything felt like so much, so big, and I just felt like I was suffocating, drowning… I had to leave, I couldn’t be in Chicago any more, so I just left. But Matt, and you and everyone else, you didn’t deserve that.” 

Stella’s quiet for a moment, rubbing circles on her shoulder. “What felt like too much Gabby? I know losing Louie was so hard on both of you, was there something else?” she asks quietly. 

Gabby sighs and pulls her sleeves over her hands, trying to dry her face. As painful as it is to talk about, there’s a part of her that needs to get it out in the open and explain what happened. 

“Matt and I wanted to have a baby,” Gabby whispers, not meeting Stella’s eyes and instead staring blankly ahead at the TV. “After the miscarriage, and Louie, I finally felt like I was ready. But then… the doctor told us there was a complication left over from the ectopic pregnancy, an aneurysm. And that it could be fatal if I got pregnant. Which is why I’m on bed rest now, by the way. After everything we went through, it was the worst news you could imagine. All I wanted was to have a family, to give Matt a child and couldn’t do that. He wanted to adopt, but after Louie I just… I just couldn’t. I felt like such a failure, like the one thing my body is meant to do, it couldn’t. It felt like we were never going to be happy.” 

Gabby takes a shaky breath and plows on, now that she's started talking, she wants to get it all off her chest. “You have to understand, Stella, Matt’s been talking about how much he wants a kid for _years_ , even before we got together. He’s meant to be a dad. So when I couldn’t give him that, not once, but twice, I just felt like I had failed him. Like he deserved so much better than what I could offer. So I left. And… I’ve been regretting it ever since. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the work I was able to do in Puerto Rico was amazing, and it really did help to get some space from Chicago, to clear my head. But it wasn’t worth it, leaving Matt behind. I feel guilty about it every day.” 

Stella rubs her shoulder, looking at her with sympathetic eyes. “I had no idea Gabby. About the aneurysm, or how much you were struggling. You always made it seem like you were fine. Why didn’t you talk to me, or anyone?” 

Gabby shrugs and looks down at her lap. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know how to put it into words. And you and Severide were just so happy… I didn’t want to burden you with my problems.” 

“We’re friends. You’re never a burden. You can tell me anything, I mean it.” 

“Thank you,” Gabby says quietly, although she still has trouble feeling like it’s true. 

“Have you told Casey about all of this?” Stella asks, still rubbing her shoulder. 

“Not really,” Gabby shrugs again. “There’s not much point is there? Casey and I are done, at least as far as it goes romantically. Figures, that the only time I could give him a kid is _after_ we split up,” she says darkly. 

“You need to stop blaming yourself for that, it’s not your fault,” Stella frowns. “Seriously Gabby, all this guilt isn’t going to get you anywhere.” 

“I know, I know. I’m trying. It’s just hard. Everything feels so messed up, I’m just trying to find my balance.” 

“You will. Just give it time. And talk to Matt. No matter what happened between you two, that man cares about you, Gabby, I mean it. I’ve never seen Casey look at _anyone_ the way he looks at you. I think it would help you feel better if you got some of this off your chest to him.” 

“Yeah, I know you’re right,” Gabby sighs, putting aside her bowl of now-melted ice cream and running a hand through her hair. “I need to talk to him. I owe him an apology at least.” 

“Well, no matter what, you’ve always got me, girl,” Stella looks at her earnestly. “Seriously, whatever you need. I’m here. Sev too.” 

Gabby squeezes her hand. “Thank you. It means a lot.” 

“Of course,” Stella smiles, then picks the remote back up. “Now, I think we need to watch something both trashy and filled with hot guys to take your mind off things, don’t you think? How about _The Bachelorette_?” 

“Sounds perfect,” Gabby grins, settling back against the couch and letting Stella queue up the show. Stella’s right, she needs to talk to Casey, and she will. But for now, she just wants to _not_ think about anything. 

o - o - o - o - o

  
  



End file.
